Snowy day reflections

I remember when I was young and always dreaming about the future with a horrible case of the "I can't wait until"s.  I couldn't wait to get my first car, get married, have kids, buy a house, job, the list goes on and on. Now as I sit in my house, listening to the older kids play outside in the season's first snowfall while my youngest rests on my chest (too tired to get up and play, but not tired enough to continue his nap in his crib) and husband is in the basement having a boy day with his buddies I feel content.  We both have our dream car, mine a brand new van, his a practically new Trans Am, he has a great job as a Sr. Systems Engineer, and I have my dream job as stay at home mom to our children.  We've had a lot of ups, and a LOT of downs two of the biggest of which nearly ended our marriage, but here we are stronger for the experiences that have brought us to this point.
I think that anyone can look back on their life and wonder "what if" they did this or that differently, but the longer I walk this world the more clear it becomes that what's done is done.  The real point is to do the best with what you have, and to truly appreciate all that you have. Here are a few of the things in my life that I am grateful for:
1.  My marriage.  Some have doubted the strength of our love over the years and all have been proven wrong over and again.  We may fight, but we never go to bed angry.  We may not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other.  And through the years and through all of the high highs and low lows we are still learning things about each other and finding new ways to be better to and for one another.  I can honestly say that I can't think of a time in the almost 14 years we have been together, 10 of which married, when we have been happier.
2.  My children.  They both drive me up the wall and fill me with a sense of accomplishment, complete and unconditional love, and pride all at the same time and with equal measure.  They challenge me daily (some days, hourly) to be strong in my convictions and my love for them drives me to be a better person and mother.
3.  My job.  My job title is Stay at Home Mom.  My duties are: housewife, maid, chauffeur, cook, dog groomer, hair stylist, interior decorator, problem solver, activities planner, and last but certainly not least comforter for the sick, tired and otherwise sad of our home.  It is a job of many duties but all are worth the work it takes to do them correctly.  The better I am at my job, the happier my husband and family are.  I may not contribute much by way of bringing money into the house, but I am confident that my contributions are worth way more than a pay check ever could be.  I don't think anyone looks back on their lives and wishes they had worked outside the home more.  Many look back and wish they had had more time with their children and loved ones.  I will not have to be in that category, and gives me a sense of accomplishment that any other job could never come close to.
4.  My family and friends.  I may not have a bus load of really close friends, but the ones I do have have always been there for me and stood beside me...and got behind and pushed me when I needed it.  My family is the same way.  I know that no matter what stupid antics I may pull, that my family loves me for ME no matter what.  In fact, I have such love for my close friends that they, in essence, become a part of my family.  My mom is patient and understanding.  She listens without judging and is careful with her advice so as to avoid being pushy.  My dad was always there to listen to my problems and both helped me to come to my own conclusions about how to handle them.  I have a wonderful sister, and my close girlfriends feel like sisters to me as well.  Anyone would be blessed to have even one friend like that.  I am blessed to have three.  Having a strong support system makes this thing called life a little easier to walk through.
5. My home.  It may not be updated with all the latest trends, the paint job is clearly amateur (hey, cut a girl some slack!), and there are definite areas in need of finishing and/or repair.  But it is our home.  It houses the most important people in my life and we have created a warm and inviting space for ourselves and any who chose to visit.
6. My health.  Sure I could use to lose about 60 pounds (which was the reason for starting this blog in the first place) and I know that I will get there.  But aside from that major annoyance I am in great health.  There are many who are not so lucky, so it is important to realize and be thankful for this.

Well, I think I have rambled on enough for today.  It is important to take stock in ones life now and again and rather than just sit and think on it, to actually share with others who care to hear about it.  I hope that in sharing others may stop to think of the things in their lives that are great and allow the great to outweigh the not so great.

I didn't, but I did!

So, I'm busted. I did not walk on the treadmill today. I decided to walk outside instead. I will do almost anything to avoid the dreaded treadmill...even walk just over 7 miles round trip to pick up my son from school. It was long, it was tough, and I will admit that at the point where I normally turn to do my 1.5 mile lap I seriously considered just doing that then driving to pick up my son. Then when we reached a park that I know is roughly a mile from my house I again thought "If I turn back now, I will still get 2 miles in, and be able to drive to pick him up." But I persevered and passed the park, thus reaching the point of no return. I left the house at 1:35, and know that I walk roughly a 20 minute mile (hey...give me a break, I'm pushing a stroller with two kids in it and am still very out of shape) so I really just had to hit the halfway point, at which I knew that if I turned and walked back home I would most likely be late to pick him up.

It really actually helped to have my daughter with me to talk to and distract me. My youngest just enjoyed the scenery and even took a little nap along the way. In all, we made it there and back and I am still alive. Though, the look on his teacher's face when she saw me all red faced and sweaty was nearly priceless. I was too tired to be embarrassed, I just wanted to grab my son, turn and keep walking for fear that if I stopped for too long I would have to call my husband to come and get me.

There are blisters on my ankles, and my legs are already sore, but beyond that I have this immense feeling of accomplishment. It may have taken me 2+ hours to do it, but I did it. And I want to do it again. Sadly my schedule and 3 extra kids on some days wont allow for me to make the trek to my son's school on a regular basis, but I can suck it up and walk the treadmill. I don't have to do the full 7 miles all at once, and tomorrow will most likely split it up into at least 2 if not 3 chunks to make it a little more bearable. The main point is that I have set a bar for myself, and now I need to reach it every day. Because I can, because I should, and because I owe it to myself and my family to be healthy and happy.

I may have been thoroughly exhausted when I came home today, but I was happy. And it showed.

i will. I will. I WILL!

Another plateau...bleh. It's definitely rough to begin making progress only to flatline once again. A veritable slew of reasons/excuses are behind the latest plateau but it really boils down to not finding the time, check that, not making the time to exercise daily.

The last few days I have taken action to remove that excuse. I cleared the wall of stuff that had somehow built itself around the treadmill. Along with it, removed the wall of reasons why I shouldn't have to use it now that we are members at the Y. I don't go to the Y every day. I don't want to feel like I have to do so in order to get a good workout in. I CAN walk down to the basement every day and walk for an hour. I can, and I should. And I will.

Tomorrow I will not go to the Y. I will wake up early and put on my workout garb, grab my ipod and go down to the basement and walk. It will be quiet. It will be time just for me, and I will feel good for the rest of the day because of that decision. To be honest, I can't wait.

Breaking Barriers

So I finally broke 200 this week! What a strange feeling that is. For those of you who battle with weight loss, you know that it is a frustrating series of GAINS as well as losses. The losses bring a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, while the gains negate those feelings. This is a barrier, though, that was really tough for me to break. The reasons vary from environmental issues (lack of sleep, therefore energy) as well as self sabotage. The hardest lesson is that of changing my eating habits, and maintaining that change.

Now that this barrier has been passed, I can continue to move forward, and vow not to hit or pass 200 again. As with every 10 pound barrier from here on out.

That is the other difficult thing about losing weight. It doesn't get easier as you progress. It gets tougher. That's ok though. I'm up for the challenge. :)

Oh lordy

I remember once upon a time when I could hardly wait for the weekend because that was when we would get fast food of some sort and I would get a break from cooking. It's been a while since we have done that, and the last months have been trying really hard NOT to do that, preferring to spend that money on more healthy foods.
Well, today I took the easy road because the kids and I were hungry and I didn't want to drag them all into Subway so we went to McDonalds. Oh how I regret that! Almost instantly after eating the last fry I started feeling nauseous, and now 5 hours later don't feel much better. Blech. It is a good reminder, I suppose that that crap does not belong anywhere near my body! It is sad to think that it actually tasted good once upon a time.

It wont happen overnight....

I have to keep reminding myself of this very inconvienient fact. I had a great walk on the treadmill today (side note...for some reason the treadmill at the Y is much more fun (?) to walk on than the one at home...could be lack of children trying to climb on the back and having to stop every 5 minutes to end a fight, calm an angry baby etc) and got to thinking. I happened to look down and see my leg jiggling and got a little angry. I have been working hard for 3 weeks solid...they should NOT be jiggly anymore! Ha!

Then I thought back and realized that it took me over a year to accumulate the weight I have gained. I started gaining weight before I got pregnant as the stress of trying to get pregnant led me to my old friend...food. So a year of weight gain...30 pounds of it being pregnancy related of which I didn't lose a lot. Something about still eating like I was pregnant after I had the baby. Hmmmm. Anyway, how can I expect that much weight to just fly off in a few weeks? I can't, and I shouldn't. I need to look back to make sure, but I believe I started back on the wagon in May. Started at 223, and am now at 207. 16 pounds down in about 2 months. That isn't too bad. And 10 of that has been since we joined the Y three weeks ago or so. Sometimes the hardest part about losing weight AND getting into shape is accepting that it doesn't happen overnight...it takes time. And it's worth the wait. Get it? Wait...weight. I digress.

So, today was my most successful workout so far. I rocked Bodypump, and proceeded to walk for 25 minutes at a speed of 4 on the treadmill, which last week was almost impossible for me to do. I am considering signing up for a Couch to 5k program, and am spending more time looking for things to do to keep active, and less time gazing at the computer. Instead of goofing around all day, I WALK AWAY do a bunch of stuff, then come back for a short break.

I feel more empowered now than I have in a long time. My self image is improving...perhaps faster than my actual appearance. I feel pretty again...until I look in a mirror. I am tempted to drape all the mirrors with sheets. But I love seeing the progress as it happens. I notice that my face looks slimmer, and my legs are getting more muscular. The arms and belly always lag behind, but they'll catch up eventually. Oh, and of course my boobs are shrinking. Blah. The one area I wouldn't mind staying how it is, seems the first to whither. Ha!

Anyway, I am thrilled to be down 16 pounds, and look forward to hitting my next 15 pound marker in much less than two months! Goal weight is 150...but more importantly goal SIZE is 9/10. I am 57 pounds, and 6ish (the 16s are a little big on me now) sizes away from my goal. Here goes!!!

Rest

I worked out every day for the last 6 days for between one and two hours each day. Today is my rest day. I have to remind myself that those are important as well. My body is tired, and sore. I am beginning to notice some differences in myself already. The most obvious is the weight loss...WI this morning was 209! Woo hoo! After three months (of actually trying to lose the weight) I am just one pound away from my first 15 pound marker. :) Other differences include increased energy, though I am so sore it's tough to do a whole lot, and a higher body temp. I always feel warm lately. Must be the increased blood flow or some such thing.